Moving but not going forward.

Oh, B.     , this really pains me and I'm sorry that all those situations were not handled right and that they are the cause of a lot of pain in your life currently. 

You sound like you're holding it together as much as you can everyday and I understand how the hours and the shadows move about. I alter from deep loneliness to decadent sanctuary. When I'm alone, I want to be with people and when I'm with people I'm utterly bored and think that eventually I'll be free in my aloneness eventually. 

To quote a Sylvia Plath Poem-" the fountains are dry and the roses are over".  We are at a time and place where all we ever were is crashing into the lineage of where we are now and dissecting future thoughts. 

One small step at a time is all we have to do, each breath in the right frame will bring us to the place we need to be. Meditating and being with, near, in or even close to nature are great comforts. That is what I wish for you, great comfort.  

Peace my brother, better days and joys are ahead, in fact it's just over the hill or around the corner. I'm certain of this. 

E-

I hope this email finds you well...

My empathy on the loss of your uncle, I've lost all my aunts and uncles over the past thirty years.  (If you were close, it hits home hard!)

As I get older, I'm having fewer and fewer family members and friends around with many left behind a long time ago (1994), creature of habit? (I moved as a child: 1968, 1970, 1972, 1977, 1980, and 1986; never got over the moves in '77 '80 nor '86.)  When my parents divorced and sold their home (2003); and, I got divorced and sold my homestead (2007), it got worse!!! 

Over time, I've kept sporadic contact with various people however poor and homeless makes it more difficult to face them!  (So no contact is held and I've gotten a smaller circle around me; only those at a homeless shelter, treatment team, or TCC?!)

After my parents (mom, CT, and dad, NH) pass, I'll plan to move back home, Syracuse (biological origin), but doubtful I'll ever connect with anyone?  My brother's family (niece and nepenthe) are local, Norwalk, however the great distance from damage caused throughout my life...

Well, Peace and Love
B