Surrender

Surrender is a word I rarely use. Perhaps I've given "fight" the upper hand. Fight is the stronger, more aggressive, more dedicated to a cause sort of word, or at least I thought so. I think I was mistaken, to surrender isn't the giving in or letting go as I always feared. It's letting things be, doing with what comes along, a path of least resistance. It's in the doing, changing, creating, judging that work begins.   Jackhammers, trucks, men with shovels dig up roads, move mountains for a new road that will allow us to get from there to here with greater ease, less effort and time. So maybe I did the work to get to surrender, or maybe a step by step got me over the mountain and to a destination, like a holy crusade. I'm not sure if my book is filled with all the needed stamps of the shrines that came along in life, but at this point I'm done and not sure why I'm carrying a book.
Surrender is a very difficult concept. It's actually more work as in the regular battles of the mind.  Wanting change or opinion but not engaging, being at peace, letting things be the way the universe presents them AND accepting them.
I'm tired, physically, mentally, emotionally tired. I'm going to blame my MS or the drugs I take for it or my current stress level or the weakness in my body and what this has done to my spirit. I'm broken just now. Summers heat is seeping into the spring coolness and I will be victimized by the humidity or humility that I need to face.
So, ok this surrender thing is new to me but I'm seeing how sweet life can be when just being in the moment makes you see all the small things you were busy running past. Without any planning or backhoes, things fall into place.  They really do.  You don't have to participate in everything and if you do, there doesn't have to be a finish line to cross each time.
I'm going to spend this summer looking at clouds, I think there is great wisdom to be understood in them. I think they understand the surrender I'm seeking. Oh how I want to drift and float above it all and let the wind take me away.